Wedding jitters?

Ah, wedding jitters. Or should I say, marriage jitters, since it's really not just about the wedding. Fiance recently showed me an article about 'Runaway Brides' in Singapore, the story of a girl who jilted her groom, only told him of the decision right before she boarded a plane to Thailand, left him to deal with everything, then blamed the HDB and everyone else by saying, "You could  put it like this – the third party was HDB. I feel like I was forced to decide to get married early because if I waited until I was, say, 30 and ready to settle down, to wait another three to four years to get a BTO flat would leave me no time to start a family. Everyone told me that Ken and I had to hurry up and apply for a flat together and then quickly get married once the flat application was successful."


 

The article also wrote that this is not such a rare phenomenon, with nervous brides sharing their feelings in wedding forums. (One of such forums here )

Well, I'm not here to judge from a moral high ground, but really, I'm just fascinated by the phenomenon.

Runaway brides? In SINGAPORE? I mean, if there is one society where people confirm to social expectations and succumb to societal mores, this is it, people! Singapore is IT! My first thought upon reading the first few sentences of the Yahoo article was actually, "Wow cool, she's got the guts to do that..to break away from what society expects.." (Admiration quickly changed to contempt after reading whole article and realising how immature and plain selfish she sounded >< )

But for other runaway brides? Such as this one , what actually went through their minds? More interestingly, is it really HDB?

Fuh.. Being in Singapore and experiencing firsthand the emotional downs that balloting and waiting for a flat can cause, I kind of understand the desire to secure a flat as early as possible.The system indeed made it so difficult for something that average middle-income newlyweds in other countries can obtain much easier.  And then, there is the waiting. Balloting and failing and balloting again two, three years to be finally told by HDB "OK, you have a home now.. ooops it's still flat land by the time we tell you this", and then three, four years for your marital home to be finished is ridiculous. In a country where the men notoriously proposes with the sentence "Dear, let's start looking for a flat", (which thankfully my not-yet-Fiance followed with, "Don't worry! This is NOT the actual proposal!") I believe it's because the national psyche has been implanted with the thought that getting a HDB flat is a monstrously painful, long-drawn, expensive affair that has to be ticked off the list as early as possible.

It's like being put inside a pressure cooker... You want to get married and settled in a house to raise kids well before you are thirty? Well, well, gotta make decisions now! When you're 24, yep yep! Otherwise wait long long! No time to think! Quick quick!

Ultimately though, pressure only reveals what is already inside the person.. Perhaps, their decisions to go ahead even if they weren't yet sure this was the man they wanted to spend their life with was more motivated by fear, brought out by that pressure. Fear of being too old to get married and have a family if they wait it out; fear of having to wait to long for the HDB, fear of missing out on subsidies; etc etc etc... Some let the fear won.. only to deeply regret it afterwards. Maybe saying this is harsh, but what is the point of being sure of getting the right price and timing of a flat while being not sure this is the life partner you want.. >< Singaporean men are supposedly unromantic (Google search result of 'singaporean men unromantic' here ,and before you bash me, I am engaged to a very, very romantic Singaporean guy - and I have a high standard!), but I think, some Singaporean ladies also put practicalities over matters of the heart.

All that said, actually we should give kudos to Singaporean guys because, the moment they ask for a woman's hand in marriage, they really know it's gonna be followed with some huge, huge, HUGE financial decisions.. and still they asked, what with sky-high prices and crap waiting times, and the 'anything-can-happen-in-these-three-years' uncertainties =)


(My Fiance's answer to my question, "So do you have wedding jitters?": "Nope. I know what I want. In fact I cannot wait to marry you." Fuuhhh... He's a politician-Casanova, that one!)